I Just Wanted You More
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: Ginny is mulling over her thoughts of Harry and their relationship as the final battle approaches- Her thoughts coincide with Lady Antebellum's song: Wanted You More. Written for the Lady Antebellum Challenge by Eighteen Inches. Prompt: The song, and Clock Tower. Please review!


**Author's Note: Written for the Lady Antebellum challenge on the HPFF. The song is Wanted You More. Prompt: Clock Tower.**

* * *

_I kept waiting, on a reason-_

_ And a call that never came. _

Ginny gripped the railing tightly, her knuckles turning white. She knew he just wanted to keep her safe; the mantra of 'I love you, I just want to keep you out of harm's way,' replayed over and over in her head. She had thought of it all before; she knew the reasons- she knew why. But she still though he would give her a _better _reason one day; call and her let her know that he loved her. The call never came, though, and as she peered over the stairs, listening to the meetings over the years, and listening to him speak with her mother and father; the Order, she knew that he would not be changing his mind- not before the war was over, and maybe not even after.

* * *

_No I never saw it coming,_

_ Something in you must have changed._

If she was to be honest with herself, she had been very, _very _blind. She had not seen it coming- his abandonment. She had though that since they were both so strong together and apart, they would be able to make it through this together- he would let his apprehension slip through the cracks and allow her to tag along; prove herself to him. He didn't, though. He surprised her in every sense of the word. Something about them must have changed; how powerful he felt, how targeted…Or perhaps maybe just how he felt about her. It had all done a 360, and she was scared that they would never recover. If they even both made it out alive, would he ask for her back? Would he want her to play such an active role in his life again? Maybe he would never fully heal; maybe he would always look at her as his weakest link- the most precious thing to his heart, and thus, the most targeted.

* * *

_All the words unspoken,_

_ Promises broken,_

_ I cried for so long._

The pain of losing him was so very real; the reality of them not making it out alive was so painstakingly evident that it tore at her heart. There were so many words  
she wanted to say to him, but it was too late. He was already gone; out searching for those last few pieces before the war would completely breakout. He had promised her he would always protect her, and even though putting her out of harm's way as best as he could was protecting her…She didn't feel safe. She was still the dearest thing to his heart, wasn't she? If the Death Eaters wanted to use her as a pawn, they would- dating or not, they didn't care. But to him, it made sense to be apart; it was logical to think she was safe and secure if he was metaphorically involved with her. She didn't get it though; how were words going to change anything when her heart still felt the same? It was breaking; split-open already. Most nights, she just cried.

* * *

_Wasted too much time, _

_ Should have seen the signs,_

_ Now I know just what went wrong._

She knew exactly how he felt now- she knew that it was eating at him too. She should have realized all those moments he ignored her; all the times he acted so distant. He had been contemplating the split for a long time, she knew, and that was what had gone wrong. He let himself believe that this was what they needed- what would ensure her well-being…And one day, he gave into it.

* * *

_I guess I wanted you more,_

_ And looking back I am sure,_

_ I wanted you more_

It had always been her fault, hadn't it? She always wanted more of him; always obsessed over being perfect for him- being strong enough, pretty enough, and smart enough. She had worked her for a position as a credible witch, and she had started off doing it just to impress him. But now, it was for herself. It was for her survival, and not just his. She had made the mistake of wanting him too much, she was sure. But now, she could show him- show him just how much potential she had without him.

* * *

_All the nights we spent,_

_ Just talkin' bout' _

_ The things we wanted out of life,_

They had spent many nights together, lying under the stars outside the Burrow, dreaming about a normal future, with living family and safeness surrounding them. They never spoke of kids, but they spoke of happiness- of what they wanted out of the world they ached to create.

* * *

_Making plans and dreams together,_

_ Wish I'd seen I was just too blind._

Then, one day, they talk did change to kids- it changed to a future _together. _They didn't just want things out of life, they wanted things out of each other. It was then that they got so deeply involved, she supposed he was the only way out was to cut her off completely. So he had.

* * *

_My heart was open, exposed and hopin',_

_ For you to lay it on the line,_

She wished he would just risk it all- so what if she was a target? Dying while being his; dying while fighting alongside him could easily become her dream…A reality that she could face only because he was by her side. But he hadn't felt the same way; to him it was noble to leave behind the one you love then take them with you. Ginny supposed maybe she was just a hopeless romantic…Or perhaps Harry just wasn't hopeless enough, yet. Perhaps he would come around, she assured herself. That was how she got through her days- hoping. She hoped, and left her heart open; exposed, because she knew if she closed it her feelings of sadness would turn to anger, and she couldn't have them dying on each other angry on top of being so distant. She hated him for all these thoughts he had instilled in her head; all the pain, and the open wounds that bled out from her heart. But at the same time, she still loved him. She loved him more than she was utterly repulsed by his actions. She knew she'd forgive him; that she'd ran right into his arms after the final battle if he spun on his heel and called out for her. She knew she would be the most distraught if his body was lying sprawled on the castle's floors by the time this was all over.

Yes, she had never stopped loving him.

* * *

_In the end it seemed there was no room for me,_

_ Still, I tried to change your mind,_

She knew she had no business chasing after him anymore. It was over; they were over. She loved him, but she had to let him go. No matter how hard she tried to change his mind, he wouldn't budge. And even though she didn't want to stop trying, she had to let her heart down a bit- she had to lower her expectations, because at the rate it was going she was going to get _anything _from him, let alone what she wanted; expected. She still wanted him, though. She still longed for him to want her back. Finally, she let him make his own choices, though. She gave up.

* * *

_Oh, I don't need you._

_ I don't need you anymore. _

She had finally made the decision- she did not need him to survive. She didn't need him. The thought was empowering that she even smiled, a real smile, for the first time in months. It wasn't the forced one she offered her mother and father; the pretend ones she flashed him. She did _not need Harry James Potter _to survive. Nor did he need her- and knowing he was okay, made her okay. It was that night, that she finally realized it, that he took her hand as she mounted the stairs for bed.

"Ginny," he had whispered, and his voice saying her name in such a way made her heart pump exceedingly faster than it had been, and made her freeze on the spot.

"Yes?" She pressed out as evenly as possible.

He must have noticed the longing in her voice because she saw him smile against the candlelight hanging on the wall.

"Meet me at the Clock Tower tonight,"

"Sirius's old clock?" She confirmed, confused.

"Yes. In an hour or so?"

She struggled with this for a moment, gracefully slipping her hand out of his as she finally replied: "Okay, yes, sure."

She walked the rest of the way to her room then, changing out of her pajamas into more appropriate clothing; day clothes. She didn't feel the need to flaunt anything- after all, she wasn't trying to win him back anymore, was she? It was all honesty now; all war- their feelings had to be put aside. The next hour passed slowly, and she watched the small clock in her bedroom tick on and on before she decided to leave for the living area in Grimmauld Place. It took her about five minutes to get down the stairs and maneuver around the house, but she finally pushed open the door to the sitting area and offered Harry a smile as she shut it behind her.

"You came," he said softly, surprise in his voice.

"Why are you so shocked?" Ginny asked, wrapping her arms over her chest and taking a seat on the couch. She turned her attention to the crackling fire before them.

"I've thought this whole time you've hated me, frankly," he responded, warming his hands above the smoldering newspapers.

"I don't hate you, Harry," she commented, for his benefit as much as her own. "I still care about you. This was my fault, after all, wasn't it? You should hate me."

"Ginny, how is this your fault?" He asked in frustration, turning from the fire.

"I guess," she stood and walked closer to him. "I guess because I always wanted you so much more than I could have."

Her words were whispered, hurried as she willed herself not to cry. There was just something about all of this that unsettled her; made her forget all of her previous day's realizations. It all came back to her- the emotions clouded around her and trapped her. She needed him again; she wanted more of him again. How long would this scene before her last? Moments in their world today were so, so fleeting. It just wasn't fair.

"I brought you here for a reason and it wasn't for you to blame yourself," he wiped away a stray tear from the side of her eye as he pulled her face up to look into it. "I brought you here to tell you how serious things are getting, Ginny- how much I stand by my decision to be apart right now."

She tried to speak but he shook his head.

"Shh. I know what you're going to say, and no I didn't bring you here just to tell you that, either."

He took her hands in his own and gave them a gentle squeeze before releasing them.

"Try to make it out of all this alive even though I'm not beside you to fight. We'll have plenty of time to sort us out, Ginny, if we just get through this war."

"Don't die on me," she almost pleaded, rushing forward to hug him.

Her guard dropped, and she collapsed into his arms as he held her tight.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Ginny," he soothed.

She stood there, holding him as she calmed herself, letting her mind wonder to her newest realiation- that no matter what: she would always want more of him; of them.

The large clock in Sirius's sitting area chimed twelve midnight, then, and Harry offerd her a gentle smile before willing her to go to bed, and assuring her that he would be awake and waiting for her at the table in the morning.

* * *

**Author's Note: I absolutely loved writing this. I wasn't sure I would be able to do them justice, but the inspiration was just so great I hope I did well. I hope you enjoyed, and please review!**

**Blessings,**

**Sarah. **


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